around the thoughts in 17 ways

my tiny little room is a little bit more comfy lately. on the one hand meanwhile i’m used to it and on the other hand my scented candles help a hell of a lot.

we had some snow last week… it was so wonderful… like in a winter wonderland, if you know what i mean. everywhere the world was getting a little bit calmer and you were in an enchanted awareness of childhood memories… like the former wintertimes… or the advent… with these little calendars full with chocolate or some little tools for your lego-town…

and now… the snow left. the cold, grey mood returned and it seems like it really wants to stay here… increasing numbers of sick people and tons of money left in the drugstores. i should tidy up the room. tomorrow i’m leaving salzburg again and come home for weekend. i have no idea what i’m going to do… well… take a break, of course. on saturday… cocktails night at elli’s… well you know… nice dressed… nice cocktails… nice friends… crazy ’cause we’re too young to do such ‘desperate housewives’ things. but okay.

and at any time this weekend i’m going to talk with him… to get a little bit more information and we’ll see how things are going to work out. and in any case… i guess it would be right… or fate… or something like this. god, i’m overly excited.

 the world should be calmer… i mean… the best part of day is walking through the rural aeria to smell the wet earth and grass. to get in touch with all the fog, so the clothes are hardly soaked. a nice feeling… maybe hiking would be nice this weekend. well… i should ask my personal prince charming… you know… during walking you can think much better… even about things which are so emotional like these.

we’ll see what the time is bringing.

most people think a day full of silence and rest is rare. i don’t agree. it’s really depressing if you’ve nothing to do. really nothing… i mean… i should write another excerpt but hey… this doesn’t take too long.

maybe i’ll visit later the cemetaries. just to take a look if everything’s right. the grave of my gran would be nice to draw… it’s really special. afterwards the grave of my great-grandparents and when i’m there i should visit little timi’s resting place, too.

hell… a little child… yesterday he was buried. i couldn’t fight back the tears… he was so young. and the slightest thought of his family’s agony take my breath. i should do this. i mean… i haven’t “seen” my gran for one and a half week, tomorrow I’ll head towards salzburg again and then another boring week.

i should really find a job or something else. in fromer times i always wanted to do something special for a living… event management, painting, writing poetry and novels… being a famous philosopher.

and today… i just don’t know what to do with myself.

going out hasn’t this calming effect anylonger. jumping around, dancing, singing, closing my eyes and feel the bass-vibrations inside. nothing left… only this tiny little feeling of uselessness.

well… maybe i’m making mead next weekend… i’m missing my dear friend… the crestfallen one… i hope he can recover somehow. this lost… this cruesome lost of his nephew.

and you stand next to him and you cannot help him. no way. no word is able to make this burden easier. nothing helps. except of time. and time… noone knows how much he or she has left. a scarry vision.