around the thoughts in 17 ways

most people think a day full of silence and rest is rare. i don’t agree. it’s really depressing if you’ve nothing to do. really nothing… i mean… i should write another excerpt but hey… this doesn’t take too long.

maybe i’ll visit later the cemetaries. just to take a look if everything’s right. the grave of my gran would be nice to draw… it’s really special. afterwards the grave of my great-grandparents and when i’m there i should visit little timi’s resting place, too.

hell… a little child… yesterday he was buried. i couldn’t fight back the tears… he was so young. and the slightest thought of his family’s agony take my breath. i should do this. i mean… i haven’t “seen” my gran for one and a half week, tomorrow I’ll head towards salzburg again and then another boring week.

i should really find a job or something else. in fromer times i always wanted to do something special for a living… event management, painting, writing poetry and novels… being a famous philosopher.

and today… i just don’t know what to do with myself.

going out hasn’t this calming effect anylonger. jumping around, dancing, singing, closing my eyes and feel the bass-vibrations inside. nothing left… only this tiny little feeling of uselessness.

well… maybe i’m making mead next weekend… i’m missing my dear friend… the crestfallen one… i hope he can recover somehow. this lost… this cruesome lost of his nephew.

and you stand next to him and you cannot help him. no way. no word is able to make this burden easier. nothing helps. except of time. and time… noone knows how much he or she has left. a scarry vision.

in the meanwhile i accept the whole situation of being a student. this doesn’t mean i like it, but… it should be okay for the next weeks and months, so why bother about the time later?

 yesterday rahel and i went into the cinema, really nice movie… but i always had to think about him. it’s such a pity that my mind’s not able to forget him or stop my soul to be disappointed, if he says something i don’t want to hear. such things like… “no… i’ve to go to the other ball… and you know that i don’t like such events…”

it’s mindblowing to be striked down by little words like these. devastating… but hey… old loves they die hard, don’t they?

yeah, today i’m really irritated, frustrated, angry, fierce, explosive and any other expression you can find for my extremely ongoing madness. perhaps i should sleep more or i should leave my hometown, never come back and travel through different countries. (yes, this would be a very clever plan… after i got the permission to go to university finally)

i’m sad, ’cause i had no idea that leaving home would hurt this much. the last weeks were bloody brilliant and i only want to have this feeling for the rest of my life…. and yes, i am definitly too lazy to organise my own life. it was so comfortable… until now.

and my ordered “dark passion play” – album isn’t here yet and this is another cause why my behavior is ridiculous.

i’m making the greatest fool of all of myself.

the only helpful thing: 30 seconds to mars. good night.

it was like any other day… i had nothing special to do, so i decided to read the latest book i bought and really… it was the worst since… i can’t imagine… really…

i mean, i read stories of private writers and some of them are no natural talents with words, phrases and expressions… but remember, those people don’t earn their money with books. so i wasn’t only disappointed but really terrified.

especially in this case… what will the future bring, if the niveau of books lowers in this dramatically way…

the plot was really shallow, the writing-style reminded me of some young teenage-girly girl and the deeper meaning behind the words doesn’t simply exist.

again, it’s me. today i got the okay from my dear mail pal maja that i’m invited to visit her in february. i’m really looking forward to this very interesting meeting.

i’ve never met her before and so i thought the upcoming concert of our favourite band would be a nice reason to get to know her better. and now it is fixed… on friday, february 29th i’m going to switzerland and stay there for the weekend.

an exciting thought.

well, nightwish we’re coming!